Mini - Germanized

When the new mini came out, I was happy. Really happy actually. I loved it. It was a small sporty hatchback not called Golf that was actually going to be sold in the US.
http://www.popartuk.com/g/l/lgst3156%2Bmini-cooper-s-bmw-mini-cooper-poster.jpg
Not only that, but it looked great. It still does. I still want one. Specifically a Mini Cooper S, John Cooper Works edition, with a union jack on the roof and Monte Carlo Rally badges. It would be one of the most badass cars money can buy, and it would only cost $27,000 (about $25,500 more than I am willing to spend on a car at this point in my life - facing two years of business school ahead).

But then, instead of just letting it be, the German overlords decided that what was really needed was more practical utility. Freaking Germans. So they made the Schützenpanzer
File:Bundesarchiv Bild 101I-801-0664-37, Berlin, Unter den Linden, Schützenpanzer.jpg

Errrr... I mean they made the Mini Clubman:
http://zoieautocorner.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/mini_clubman11.jpg

It was, in a word, heinous. Really really ugly. Squint and try to view it only out of the corner of your eye ugly. This is not simply because it itself is that ugly, but because of what they did to the fun, cute, sporty, and clean lines of the regular mini in order to create it. It would be like making Jessica Biel wear carhartt overalls.

But the Germans said ziss is not enuf! And went and made this thing, which was just released:
File:Bundesarchiv Bild 101I-244-2321-34, Ostfront-Süd, Panzer V (Panther).jpg

Ok ok.. it was actually this, the Countryman:
2011_mini_countryman_press_images_m.jpg image by ariefwiryanto1

Yeah.... it aint pretty...

But the freaking germans did not stop with Poland there, they decided that they wanted to rule the world for 1000 years build a 7-seat SUV for a brand called Mini..
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MXu96taKq-Y/SzuvQh8i5cI/AAAAAAAAEAA/Ntlo0ZODvXY/s400/1.jpg

Or really.. this:



Yeah - its freaking ugly. And why is Mini pulling a reverse Hummer and just building bigger and bigger? Actually - why the hell is Mini trying to build anything that actually looks like a Hummer? WTF BMW.

whatthefuckasaurus

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