IPA Has No Clothes

Recently I went to a communal gathering of Hipsters. Actually, I went to a bar, but that bar was in the city and called Lord Hobo.

Seriously, its right here:

There were more hipsters in that bar than I ever want to see in my life. There were at least 5 handlebar mustaches out of about 25 people. Seriously. Some form up upper-lip facial hair seemed to be required to get in (as a male, females were only required to go dumpster-diving for their clothes). One, non-handlebar, stash wrapped around in a spiral on the guy's cheek.

And there was one type of beer that dominated the beer list: the IPA.

It fits the hipsters perfectly: IPA is terrible beer. Like their outrageously hideously mustaches, strange and eclectic clothing, and conforming non-conformist attitude, you can't just like IPA, you have to learn to "appreciate" it. What at first you thought was an overly bitter flavor is really the work of a master brewer. If it were possibly to just drink IPA and like it, it would no longer be a cool beer. It would be wheat beer, which is delicious, has a great array of flavors, fits almost any situation and is generally liked by just about everyone. You just open a bottle, sit back and enjoy: no mental gymnastic required. And thus it is known as a girly beer.

Instead they all love IPA, which can only be "enjoyed" by lying to yourself and trying to prove that you can (see the clothes) taste the delicious flavor.

The Hipster IPA Drinking Process:
1) Take swig of micro-brewed extra-hoppy local organic IPA
2) Nerve endings on your tongue report unbelievably bitter flavor, send message to the brain: "WTF! AHHHhhhh BURNING."
3) Brain interprets incredibly bitter flavor as sign that this beer can only be liked by those who truly appreciate it. Translates shitty, rough, bitter flavor into "Hey guys, you should try this, its my favorite new organic brown IPA brewed out of bovine feces!"
4) Other hipsters repeat this process, until the most bitter and undrinkable IPA is brewed in the name of proving absolute "appreciation" authority over all others.
5) Normal human points out the emperor has no clothes. Hipsters laugh and pretend to ignore the comment. They then search for "emperor has no clothes" on their iPhones under the table.
6) Hipsters die out due to a new virus that spreads through the contact between an iPhone and a mustache.

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