Doomsday Bunkers for What? "Preppers" Are Idiots
Recently I wrote about the 10 best doomsday survival shelters in the world. These make sense - they are for continuity of government, they are so mankind will survive, they are all about long-term planning or strategic defense.
But, I just came across a brand new show on Discovery - "Doomsday Bunkers" - and it's stupid. Interesting, but stupid.
It turns out that there is a whole community of people out there whobelieve Y2K is still coming think Fallout 3, the Book of Eli, or Mad Max is just around the corner. And so they are "prepping" - getting ready for the zombie apocalypse.
The craziest of them - or perhaps just the most obsessive or those with the most money.... spend $50,000-$1,000,000 building underground bunkers to protect themselves from... something.
And that's where the idiocy comes in: they don't know what they are protecting themselves from. The vast majority of them are built to offer 2-6 people 6mo-2yrs of ability to live underground behind a blast door. Hermetically sealed other than an air system with a NBC (nuclear, biological, chemical) filter, these things usually have basic plumbing, some have well water while others live off tanks, and generally speaking, they should keep you "safe" for a little while... depending on what happens.
And to me, that's the big problem. In what cases are these bunkers useful? When are they useless? When are they simply living tombs - letting you live 6mo longer than everyone else, and that's it.
1) Biological attack / plague
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency" and... decides that the super smallpox he's personally been working on is ready to go. It sweeps across the world with a 90% fatality rate, with the remaining 10% left with a desire to walk around without their shirts on. Society struggles to deal with the devastation, and most people try protect themselves the best they can. Preppers, secretly kinda excited their bunkers aren't just worthless buried shipping containers, hunker down for the duration.
A) What happens?
History tells us that the premise of packs of looters roaming the streets looking for resources (a basic premise of every Hollywood post-apocalyptic scenario) is unlikely. Instead, people will be hiding in their homes and avoiding all human contact. The militaries of the world will be out in force to keep peace and maintain quarantine zones. If you look at what happened in the Black Plague - people hid in their homes. Afterwords, there was a massive increase in the freedom and economic power of the lower class, because there was so much demand for their labor. Population boomed in the wake of improvements in farming technology driven by the lack of labor.
B) What does the bunker do?
Not a whole lot. More or less, there is no difference between having the bunker and a house. There are resources aplenty and people don't want to be near each other, let alone roam around in packs. If you have enough food to last in your house, then that's a good thing. Clearly - a prepped bunker helps with this, but I don't really think this is going to be that big a deal. If 90% of the human population is wiped out, there will not be a shortage of food, at least not in the US - given the huge surplus of food we have. Farms, already isolated, are going to probably be able to keep going pretty well, especially with help from the military.
2) Nuclear Attack
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency".... and decides to nuke 1/2 of Russia. Thinking it is an attack on them, China retaliates, and the US ends up launching as well. The whole world is covered in mushrooms, and nuclear winter is upon us.
A) What happens?
Given the size of the nuclear attack - the world is probably more or less over in the way we know it. Continuity of government facilities might be able to keep going - for a while. In a smaller attack, you might just have a limited amount of radiation in the atmosphere, and humanity (though greatly reduced) would survive. If there is just one or two nukes dropped, nothing happens in the rest of the world -- we have used about 2000 nuclear warheads since 1945, though only two were used in anger, and the effects are not that important.
B) What does the bunker do?
So we have three options: nuclear winter, regional nuclear conflict, rogue state / terrorism / mistaken launch. In the first case, nuclear winter, the bunker is just a tomb. Yes, you live a little bit longer, and then you die. It's that simple. In the case of a few nukes going off, the bunker is also worthless. So, you come to what I think is the least likely option: regional nuclear conflict, with a few hundred warheads used. Here, the bunker would let you shelter the worst of the fallout.
3) Natural Disaster
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency"... and a monster hurricane hits the East Cost. And a typhoon hits the West Coast, a earthquake Japan, a blizzard Europe, wildfires in China, King Kong in NYC etc etc. Everyone runs for shelter and governments try and recover.
A) What happens?
Well... everyone who can get out of the way, gets out of the way. After the fact, the world comes together to help each other and recover.
B) What does the bunker do?
If the natural disaster is unexpected - you can't get to your bunker. If the natural disaster is expected, the government will probably evacuate you in the first place. Flooding, hurricanes etc can all be avoided by, well, avoiding them. Your bunker is freaking worthless in an earthquake because you don't know it's coming. I really can't think of a situation where your best option is getting your family together and driving for your bunker.
4) Zombies
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency"... and releases the "rage" virus. 28 days later you wake up in a hospital bed. Thankfully, your trusty shotgun is next to you, and after blasting your way out of the hospital, you find a plucky band of survivors to blast zombies with. There is a hot single chick, a tough old redneck, a kid who needs protection, and a wise older man. Together, you blast your way through zombieland.
A) What happens?
See 28 days later, I am Legend, The Walking Dead - etc
B) What does the bunker do?
Finally, a case where the bunker saves your lives! The zombie plague sweeps the world, you hunker down for 6mo-2years, and when you come out, the zombies have all started to decompose and are no longer a real threat. You start to rebuild. You use your stockpile of weapons to set yourself up as a local warlord. Life is good until the remnants of the 101st Airborne, lead by Liam Neeson, para-drops on your ass and steals your bunker. Fuck.
Bottom line? Your bunker? It ain't worth shit.
But, I just came across a brand new show on Discovery - "Doomsday Bunkers" - and it's stupid. Interesting, but stupid.
It turns out that there is a whole community of people out there who
The craziest of them - or perhaps just the most obsessive or those with the most money.... spend $50,000-$1,000,000 building underground bunkers to protect themselves from... something.
 |
| Cozy... |
 |
| I hope you like Progresso |
And that's where the idiocy comes in: they don't know what they are protecting themselves from. The vast majority of them are built to offer 2-6 people 6mo-2yrs of ability to live underground behind a blast door. Hermetically sealed other than an air system with a NBC (nuclear, biological, chemical) filter, these things usually have basic plumbing, some have well water while others live off tanks, and generally speaking, they should keep you "safe" for a little while... depending on what happens.
And to me, that's the big problem. In what cases are these bunkers useful? When are they useless? When are they simply living tombs - letting you live 6mo longer than everyone else, and that's it.
1) Biological attack / plague
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency" and... decides that the super smallpox he's personally been working on is ready to go. It sweeps across the world with a 90% fatality rate, with the remaining 10% left with a desire to walk around without their shirts on. Society struggles to deal with the devastation, and most people try protect themselves the best they can. Preppers, secretly kinda excited their bunkers aren't just worthless buried shipping containers, hunker down for the duration.
 |
| ewwww |
 |
| ewwww |
History tells us that the premise of packs of looters roaming the streets looking for resources (a basic premise of every Hollywood post-apocalyptic scenario) is unlikely. Instead, people will be hiding in their homes and avoiding all human contact. The militaries of the world will be out in force to keep peace and maintain quarantine zones. If you look at what happened in the Black Plague - people hid in their homes. Afterwords, there was a massive increase in the freedom and economic power of the lower class, because there was so much demand for their labor. Population boomed in the wake of improvements in farming technology driven by the lack of labor.
B) What does the bunker do?
Not a whole lot. More or less, there is no difference between having the bunker and a house. There are resources aplenty and people don't want to be near each other, let alone roam around in packs. If you have enough food to last in your house, then that's a good thing. Clearly - a prepped bunker helps with this, but I don't really think this is going to be that big a deal. If 90% of the human population is wiped out, there will not be a shortage of food, at least not in the US - given the huge surplus of food we have. Farms, already isolated, are going to probably be able to keep going pretty well, especially with help from the military.
2) Nuclear Attack
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency".... and decides to nuke 1/2 of Russia. Thinking it is an attack on them, China retaliates, and the US ends up launching as well. The whole world is covered in mushrooms, and nuclear winter is upon us.
 |
| Not good |
A) What happens?
Given the size of the nuclear attack - the world is probably more or less over in the way we know it. Continuity of government facilities might be able to keep going - for a while. In a smaller attack, you might just have a limited amount of radiation in the atmosphere, and humanity (though greatly reduced) would survive. If there is just one or two nukes dropped, nothing happens in the rest of the world -- we have used about 2000 nuclear warheads since 1945, though only two were used in anger, and the effects are not that important.
B) What does the bunker do?
So we have three options: nuclear winter, regional nuclear conflict, rogue state / terrorism / mistaken launch. In the first case, nuclear winter, the bunker is just a tomb. Yes, you live a little bit longer, and then you die. It's that simple. In the case of a few nukes going off, the bunker is also worthless. So, you come to what I think is the least likely option: regional nuclear conflict, with a few hundred warheads used. Here, the bunker would let you shelter the worst of the fallout.
3) Natural Disaster
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency"... and a monster hurricane hits the East Cost. And a typhoon hits the West Coast, a earthquake Japan, a blizzard Europe, wildfires in China, King Kong in NYC etc etc. Everyone runs for shelter and governments try and recover.
 |
| The Day After Tomorrow is probably a Monday.. |
A) What happens?
Well... everyone who can get out of the way, gets out of the way. After the fact, the world comes together to help each other and recover.
B) What does the bunker do?
If the natural disaster is unexpected - you can't get to your bunker. If the natural disaster is expected, the government will probably evacuate you in the first place. Flooding, hurricanes etc can all be avoided by, well, avoiding them. Your bunker is freaking worthless in an earthquake because you don't know it's coming. I really can't think of a situation where your best option is getting your family together and driving for your bunker.
4) Zombies
Putin is in a military struggle to retain his "legitimate Presidency"... and releases the "rage" virus. 28 days later you wake up in a hospital bed. Thankfully, your trusty shotgun is next to you, and after blasting your way out of the hospital, you find a plucky band of survivors to blast zombies with. There is a hot single chick, a tough old redneck, a kid who needs protection, and a wise older man. Together, you blast your way through zombieland.
A) What happens?
See 28 days later, I am Legend, The Walking Dead - etc
 |
| Scary. No, I mean really scary. Pittsburgh is weird. |
B) What does the bunker do?
Finally, a case where the bunker saves your lives! The zombie plague sweeps the world, you hunker down for 6mo-2years, and when you come out, the zombies have all started to decompose and are no longer a real threat. You start to rebuild. You use your stockpile of weapons to set yourself up as a local warlord. Life is good until the remnants of the 101st Airborne, lead by Liam Neeson, para-drops on your ass and steals your bunker. Fuck.
Bottom line? Your bunker? It ain't worth shit.
Doomsday Bunkers' shows how one man is helping people prepare for Armageddo. unkers could be the only thing standing between you and certain death when and if a doomsday scenario presents itself. Underground Bunker Doors
ReplyDeleteI tend to think of preppers as the first to go. Everyone knows they have a bunker, so everyone will descend upon them to loot & pillage their stocks. Unfortunately for the dopes who design these underground tombs, there are no gun ports to defend the bunker one you are sealed inside.
ReplyDeleteDump a few gallons of gasoline down the fresh air port and they'll come running out to die in a blaze of bullets.
Pepper is just another words for paranoid schizophrenic.
Sadly, preppers will not be the first ones to go. Instead, they will be ones creating chaos, sweeping the streets with heavy guns in hand and making the lives of everyone else worse in an already bad moment. These are clearly people with mental problems that should be avoided at all costs.
DeleteHey, I was just watching that show...didn't stick around for the whole thing; those people are idiots (except for the guys hawking the bunkers...they're on to a good thing probably).
ReplyDeleteIn the end the bunker builders will have a nice business working for some kind of post apocalyptic warlord making him bunkers...
ReplyDeleteMy dad had the following take on history: Farmers Always Win. When whatever post nuclear/global warmed/zombie apocalypse is over, the folks who are already growing their own food and canning it will be living pretty much as they are now, the Preppers will have starved to death in their bunkers because they're too afraid to go outside (which is why they built them in the first place), and the rest of us will....well....do the best we can do. Kinda like always. I'll put a good community--whereever it is--up against the best stocked bunker in existence anyday.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I tend to agree, farmers will be the ones to come out on top. Combine farming, remote locations, self-reliance, and firearms... and I think they will far outlast the "preppers".
ReplyDeleteAfter Sandy, I will have food and water + a spare camp stove that will last me a couple of weeks. I think that is pretty cheap, easy to store and a sensible back-up, even if it means not wait in massive queues for food the couple of days before the next storm comes. Brb, just going to buy me a sack of rice and few bags of dry beans
ReplyDeletea couple of weeks worth of rice, beans and water + a camping stove and flashlights is my back-up plan. It all fits neatly in one cupboard.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a house or an apartment with its own water heater then you have thirty to forty gallons of fresh water in a glass lined tank. If you have a cupboard with canned food you have a back up food supply. Everyone should have a flash light and a roll of plastic, buckets and the know how to make a solar still out of these items. Aluminum foil, cardboard, tape and said plastic can be used to make a solar oven. You should also know how to use a car battery for power and how to start a fire as well as basic first aid. Skills are far more important in a crisis than having a bunker and a bunch of guns.
ReplyDeletePrepping in my neck of the woods; southern Australia. My clearly identified threat - increasing bushfire activity due to global warming. My solution - join volunteer fire brigade, arm with skills, knowledge and do not self-isolate but create a community, (an environment where bunkers in short term conditions are viable btw.) These guys are idiots, as you say, no idea what their threat is, are self- isolating, and are limiting their ability to adapt by not facing new conditions. I love the chick on the bunker show who thinks she's going to survive the doomsday but has chemical allergies, and only cooks organic foods ... Haahaaaa! She's not going to last long when the air becomes contaminated and cans of beans are all that's left!
ReplyDeleteAmen to the Aussie! Community action not a bunker will save you. I survived the great Bastrop Complex fire in Texas and the local preppers were all devastated as their supplies and guns are all ashes now. They only had minutes to get their thing and amazing one idiot hid in his bunker. They pulled him out barely conscious after the fire passed. In the end it was the community that helped out.
ReplyDeleteThe comparison to the black plague is just absurd. Society back then was largely agrarian with a great deal of rural farming and few urban centers. Infrastructure was little more than roads. It was inefficient but very rugged and able to stand up to shocks. Now it is quite the opposite with a mechanized farming system supporting major urban hubs. The whole food production, storage and distribution system relies on an already underfunded and overcrowded infrastructure of transportation and electricity. That last one is important unless you think food stays good indefinitely. And how are people going to get to the non-perishable food when it is no longer being shipped from warehouses? Hiding in your house will not be an option for long.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a bunker because I go with the statistics and figure if 90% of the population is dead, I will be too.
I've just started watching this doomsday preppers show..... I am not a prepped as many of these people on the show are portrayed though I absolutely believe in preparedness. So many of the people on this show are what I'd like to call morons. But maybe just ignorant. Now, that being said, I am a former Marine with some experiences in my service that were enlightening. The , everyone has air-conditioning and Xbox and running water on bases over there mentality is spot on for many but not all. We ran out of water, had to buy food from locals, took baths and washed clothes in a river. And many other little things that I'd never trade for the luxuries that some had while deployed. And over the last six months I've been homeless in a hunter gatherer type lifestyle that went through summer until just the other day. I just got the phone I'm on now. It was not an easy lifestyle by any means, but I'm glad I experienced it. There's much more to it all and I'd be happy to elaborate if anyone has questions. The thing that gets me is that slot of the preppers have a stockpile enough to ride out but not adapt to the apocalypse mindset. And though in my reading everyone Denys it..... Many of these people absolutely almost revel in their lustful idea of doomsday. I see the ones with ten zillion cans of food, the super simpleton, and the weapons fanatic. All have the Alamo mindset, which will get you dead like pronto. And that being said, in my reading, there's always a haughty cringing defense that has to do with no one knows about my stash, or the 10,000 rounds of ammo I have reply..... In a serious fight ESPECIALLY!!!! One for a long term position for which you've sunk all your eggs, ammo goes fast. I base this on combat experience, and this is with guys well trained in the different types as well as rates of fire, their uses and ammunition conservation. Don't blow your whole load they'd say. Alamo means dead!!! Regardless of ammo supply or food supply, once it is known that you possess either.... In such a scenario that is. The gun nuts are some of the worst!They seem to equate 10,000 rounds to 10,000 hostiles killed. Laughable. They'll say well I'm a good shot.... So! I am too. And so are tons of people. A good shot is a good thing when not limited by being completely holed up. Once invested you lose much of your advantage. But in war those in defense take out more of the aggressor than he they! Ha! This is generally not a permanent defense and in doctrine you should pretty much be in defense long enough to prepare to continue offense, unless guarding a base. Complacency, plagues even the absolute best of men and women in such a position. They fight and die because they have no mobility and like our everyday common man, have adapted their little bubble environment to themselves rather than adapting to their actual environment.
ReplyDeleteDuring the great depression game animals were nearly wiped out in many areas very very quickly.... I say this because of what so many say in my area.
ReplyDeleteResearch how the Marines dealt with the Japanese who were all cocky in their bunker! They met their doomsday!
ReplyDelete