Norms Car Reviews: The Jeep Patriot
Recently I had the experience of driving around in a rental Jeep Patriot for two weeks while on a ski trip.
This is like going to the Virgin Islands and finding that you have been assigned a Jersey shore girl for the week. The only good news is that you can ditch them for most of the day.
It was honestly one of the worst cars I have ever been in. A quick run down on what it featured:
Manual Locks (really - everyone had to remember to lock their doors when they got out... the experience was not pleasant nostalgia, more.... WTF)
Rear drum brakes - you didn't really need to stop, did you?
A CD player which advertised itself as a "Single CD player"... I am not sure if this was because they were proud it had a CD player (entirely possible), or if there is a "Multiple CD Player" option.
Manual windows, on all four windows. The handles were perfectly positioned so that they dug into your knee whenever you sat. Whatever you did. The only comfortable option was to leave the windows down about 1/4in, so that the handle was in the right spot.
An engine which honestly would have been underpowered in1894 1984
The high belt line (read - small high windows) which Chrysler made popular with the 300c. This means that in the back, you get a view of the sky. Oh, and there is no sunroof - its just the only way to see out the windows is to look up.
AWD. Now - to most people and at most times, AWD is not a bad thing. Its a rather good thing actually. The majority of SUV drivers dont really need locking rear differentials. They have recognized this, and now are largely driving around crossovers which are really tall wagons with front wheel drive and a light-weight system which sends some of the power to the back. Thats fine, in a Lexus, Nissan, Mazda, Honda or Toyota. Hell it does not even bother me in a Chevy, Ford or Chrysler. But in a Jeep? In a Jeep it pisses me off. To be fair they do offer a "Trail Rated" real 4wd system, but its not as if the Patriot even warrants that. Its too crappy and car-like and too low to the ground to be a Jeep. Its like calling
Comparison: 1988 Jeep Cherokee
I grew up with a Jeep Cherokee. It is still one of my most loved vehicles. I wish I could still drive it today. It was basic. Seriously basic. It had the optional V6, and the optional passenger side rear view mirror (not kidding, it was an option), and other than that, it had nothing. Well, it had AC, but there was no radio. My Mom was told at the dealer that it was better to just get a aftermarket radio, which was always the plan. All 15 years my family owned it.
In comparison to this '88 classic, the Patriot is a joke, and let me explain why.
The Cherokee was designed to an objective: it was a cheap, extremely rugged, and highly reliable offroad 4x4. It made it through the snow when buicks and ford tauri floundered. It had soul, and character. A lot of it actually. Sure, it had manual locks and manual windows but 1) this was 22 years ago, and 2) it sort of fit with the performance-first mentality. It was designed to get you where you needed to go, not quickly, not necessarily in the best comfort and you never got to listen to music, but you got there. Come sleet, snow, washed out bridges, fallen trees, idiots spinning out a corvette in front of you in a snow storm (true story), zombie invasions (true story), road closures, or post-apocalyptic futures where the roads were too dangerous because they are patrolled by brigands of dueling fundamentalist christian and hardcore obamist militias, the Jeep got you there. Or in the last context, would (will?) get you there.
You bought it as a competent offroad vehicle and a real SUV that could tow boats, hold your ski gear, and survive a tree falling on it (also a true story, we cut the tree up, got inside the Jeep, and popped the roof back up to as good as new). I had incredibly comfortable cloth seats, a manual transmission, the styling of a brick and it looked damn good for it (there is something to be said for a brick. I love the look of my Tahoe, Mercedes Gandelwagons, and original Hummers), and a big comfortable back seat. Important when you are 2-12yrs old. You could practically feel the roots of the car dug into the soil of Normandy, the desert of North Africa, and the Battle of the Bulge.
It was fantastic for what it was meant to do, and because of that you forgive it any small annoyances. Another car like this which I deeply love is the first gen Subaru WRX. It was relatively small, the rear seats dont fold down, there is very little sound deadening (which with a turbo you do actually notice), it does not get great gas mileage, the interior is simple and the looks are, well, I love them, but lets call them "pug like." And it is one of my favorite cars of all time. It was a rally car, born as a rally car, sold as a rally car, bought as a rally car. Like the Jeep with its offroading, this does not mean you have to rally all the time to love it, but rather that it had a direct and meaningful purpose. And that gave the car soul. Who gives a damn about anything else when you are going around a corner in a car which weighs 3000lbs, has 227hp, a 5 speed manual, amazing brakes, fantastic suspension, and AWD. Then do it in winter, on snow. I could have fun in that car on any road, anywhere in the world. Hell I could have fun in that car off of any road, just give me open space.
The Cherokee and the WRX, they have a purpose, they have soul. The mission of the Patriot is to comfortably and reliably transport four people and a small amount of stuff, as long as you dont want to go too fast--especially uphill--or want to actually be comfortable. Because in this way, a Patriot is just one more small crossover, it has no greater or more focused purpose. And it has no soul. It feels designed to deliver a series of bullet points at the lowest possible cost. Instead I want a car which is designed to achieve something.
This is like going to the Virgin Islands and finding that you have been assigned a Jersey shore girl for the week. The only good news is that you can ditch them for most of the day.
It was honestly one of the worst cars I have ever been in. A quick run down on what it featured:
Manual Locks (really - everyone had to remember to lock their doors when they got out... the experience was not pleasant nostalgia, more.... WTF)
Rear drum brakes - you didn't really need to stop, did you?
A CD player which advertised itself as a "Single CD player"... I am not sure if this was because they were proud it had a CD player (entirely possible), or if there is a "Multiple CD Player" option.
Manual windows, on all four windows. The handles were perfectly positioned so that they dug into your knee whenever you sat. Whatever you did. The only comfortable option was to leave the windows down about 1/4in, so that the handle was in the right spot.
An engine which honestly would have been underpowered in
The high belt line (read - small high windows) which Chrysler made popular with the 300c. This means that in the back, you get a view of the sky. Oh, and there is no sunroof - its just the only way to see out the windows is to look up.
AWD. Now - to most people and at most times, AWD is not a bad thing. Its a rather good thing actually. The majority of SUV drivers dont really need locking rear differentials. They have recognized this, and now are largely driving around crossovers which are really tall wagons with front wheel drive and a light-weight system which sends some of the power to the back. Thats fine, in a Lexus, Nissan, Mazda, Honda or Toyota. Hell it does not even bother me in a Chevy, Ford or Chrysler. But in a Jeep? In a Jeep it pisses me off. To be fair they do offer a "Trail Rated" real 4wd system, but its not as if the Patriot even warrants that. Its too crappy and car-like and too low to the ground to be a Jeep. Its like calling
Comparison: 1988 Jeep Cherokee
I grew up with a Jeep Cherokee. It is still one of my most loved vehicles. I wish I could still drive it today. It was basic. Seriously basic. It had the optional V6, and the optional passenger side rear view mirror (not kidding, it was an option), and other than that, it had nothing. Well, it had AC, but there was no radio. My Mom was told at the dealer that it was better to just get a aftermarket radio, which was always the plan. All 15 years my family owned it.
In comparison to this '88 classic, the Patriot is a joke, and let me explain why.
The Cherokee was designed to an objective: it was a cheap, extremely rugged, and highly reliable offroad 4x4. It made it through the snow when buicks and ford tauri floundered. It had soul, and character. A lot of it actually. Sure, it had manual locks and manual windows but 1) this was 22 years ago, and 2) it sort of fit with the performance-first mentality. It was designed to get you where you needed to go, not quickly, not necessarily in the best comfort and you never got to listen to music, but you got there. Come sleet, snow, washed out bridges, fallen trees, idiots spinning out a corvette in front of you in a snow storm (true story), zombie invasions (true story), road closures, or post-apocalyptic futures where the roads were too dangerous because they are patrolled by brigands of dueling fundamentalist christian and hardcore obamist militias, the Jeep got you there. Or in the last context, would (will?) get you there.
You bought it as a competent offroad vehicle and a real SUV that could tow boats, hold your ski gear, and survive a tree falling on it (also a true story, we cut the tree up, got inside the Jeep, and popped the roof back up to as good as new). I had incredibly comfortable cloth seats, a manual transmission, the styling of a brick and it looked damn good for it (there is something to be said for a brick. I love the look of my Tahoe, Mercedes Gandelwagons, and original Hummers), and a big comfortable back seat. Important when you are 2-12yrs old. You could practically feel the roots of the car dug into the soil of Normandy, the desert of North Africa, and the Battle of the Bulge.
It was fantastic for what it was meant to do, and because of that you forgive it any small annoyances. Another car like this which I deeply love is the first gen Subaru WRX. It was relatively small, the rear seats dont fold down, there is very little sound deadening (which with a turbo you do actually notice), it does not get great gas mileage, the interior is simple and the looks are, well, I love them, but lets call them "pug like." And it is one of my favorite cars of all time. It was a rally car, born as a rally car, sold as a rally car, bought as a rally car. Like the Jeep with its offroading, this does not mean you have to rally all the time to love it, but rather that it had a direct and meaningful purpose. And that gave the car soul. Who gives a damn about anything else when you are going around a corner in a car which weighs 3000lbs, has 227hp, a 5 speed manual, amazing brakes, fantastic suspension, and AWD. Then do it in winter, on snow. I could have fun in that car on any road, anywhere in the world. Hell I could have fun in that car off of any road, just give me open space.
The Cherokee and the WRX, they have a purpose, they have soul. The mission of the Patriot is to comfortably and reliably transport four people and a small amount of stuff, as long as you dont want to go too fast--especially uphill--or want to actually be comfortable. Because in this way, a Patriot is just one more small crossover, it has no greater or more focused purpose. And it has no soul. It feels designed to deliver a series of bullet points at the lowest possible cost. Instead I want a car which is designed to achieve something.
Comments
Post a Comment