Top 10 Signs Someone is a Terrible Driver

Driving is a dangerous game. There are a lot of people who think they are safe drivers because they are slow, inept, and have managed not to be in an accident for 10 years. Yay statistics. But the reality is, about 1 in 10 drivers are just freaking terrible. They can't get out of their own way, they make random decisions, they are irrationally aggressive (as opposed to rationally aggressive, which actually makes the roads more efficient, according to legitimate research) and above all, they are always in my fucking way.

So here are the Top 10 Signs the person in front of you is an idiot

10. They drive a Toyota. Any Toyota, ever made. While not every Toyota driver is a bad driver, as a population, they are pretty terrible on average. 

9. Brake early, brake often. If you see them hit the brakes because the car 200ft in front of them hit their brakes... avoid. This usually calls for undertaking on the highway, or praying for a passing area on a local road.  

8. They drive a crossover. Crossovers are the automotive equivalent of an old guy in a middle management position... yeah... 

7. They have a lot of bumper stickers.

6. Can't follow rules of the road. Stopping on a quiet street to let someone make a left turn is not courteous, it is dangerous. Same thing goes for not understand the right of way at intersections, turning rules at traffic lights, etc. The rules of the road exist for a reason. Everyone understands if it is busy and you let someone out, but if you are random and irrational about it, you are a danger to all. 

5. They have an expensive BMW or Mercedes. In this country, BMW and Merc drivers are generally idiots. Not sure why, but there it is. 

4. Irrational tailgating. There are times tailgating makes sense: on the highway, in the left lane, when the guy is holding up traffic. But there are also times when it does not. The most common of these is when there is a lot of traffic, you have no space in front of you, and as far as the eye can see, there are taillights 30ft apart. Then the asshole comes up behind you, thinking he will magically teleport forwards. A quick tap on the brakes is a good one here, or my new favorite courtesy of Saab: super bright rear facing fog lights =)

3. They sit in the left lane on the highway, with no one in front of them. This one drives me crazy, and it is so common in the US it is basically an epidemic. This means that the driver is simply not paying attention... which means they suck at driving, which means it is your patriotic duty to highbeam/undertake/tailgate. 

2. They have an Obama bumper sticker. There is about a 95% correlation between having an Obama sticker and having the driving ability of a tuna (fins - make it hard to use the wheel..). I could go into why this might be the case, generally related to being an idiot, apathy, a incoherent philosophy, a twisted world view, or the fact that most of them drive Toyotas or crossovers... but let's just leave it at 95% and call it a day. 

1. They drive a Prius.